Sometimes it can be hard to remember to be grateful. It is that simple. Day to day, things hurt, plans crash, someone gets hurt. But overall, I have everything to be grateful for. Yes, even ending a sentence with a preposition. I have the education to know I shouldn’t, and the sass to decide I’m going to anyway!
A good friend just had a person they love die. Again, a person’s demons got the best of them. It made me realize that all my younger life issues with my mother, have molded me into someone for whom the demons seem small. I have the mental health to realize that life sucks at times, but it will go away. Others are not so “lucky(?)” to have that mental chemistry. And for some, the demons eventually win. Suicide seems woefully inappropriate to me, but again I am grateful that I can see that, when so many people cannot. At least the demons are put to rest for that person even while those left behind feel the hurt. And hopefully, they have the mental wherewithal to eventually deal with it.
Many things in my life haven’t gone as planned, but turn out OK. My PCOS said I couldn’t have children, and yet I birthed two amazing human beings. Yes, lots of medical intervention but the result is astounding. And both enjoy very good health! And great life partners. Win, win, win!
I have a tremendous amount of weight I carry with me, but I am still alive with pretty good cardiovascular health. My diabetes has stayed under “control” much longer than the four physicians I have dealt with ever thought it would. I can still get up at 4:20 am and get to the pool to walk/swim/ push plate for 2 hours. And I have friends that meet me at the pool or walk the parks with me. Dave is patient with my slow walking speed and we trudge along on our many adventures.I can garden and sort of raise some fresh food for us (good thing he is willing to eat whatever I can get out of my shady space)!
And finally, as I sit here, in King Tut in Santa Cruz, I have more financial security than I ever dreamed of growing up. I had no idea of how someone retires and isn’t poor. Again, my thanks have to go to Dave for 1) having a job that let me teach and 2) money awareness to allow us to save up. There were times money was tight and my early childhood poverty helped us know how to navigate it, but his forward goal of always having money for the future won out every time.
So even though my life isn’t and hasn’t been perfect, I am grateful for what has gotten me to this place. There have been tears and yelling, and moments of despair, but mostly I am very content with how this has gone so far. I suppose I should knock on wood, and I am aware that more tears, yelling and despair are in the future, but I am exceedingly grateful for the life I have.
Ma Bo and Papa- love you too!